Thunderball (1965)
Synopsis
This is the section where I’d normally provide a summary of what the film is about but since Thunderball is such a drawn out clusterfuck of ideas with (what I found to be) a very confusing plot, I’ll just say that it’s about SPECTRE taking their antics underwater.
Particulars
Director: Terence Young
Writer/s: Richard Maibaum and John Hopkins
Producers: Harry Saltzman & Albert R. “Cubby” Broccoli
Stars: Sean Connery as James Bond, Adolfo Celi as Emilio Largo/Number 2, Luciana Paluzzi as Fiona Volpe, Claudine Auger as Domino, Rik Van Nutter as Felix Leiter, Bernard Lee as M, Desmond Llewelyn as Q and Lois Maxwell as Moneypenny
Budget: $9 million
Shot: Pinewood studios and on location in the Bahamas (much of it underwater)
Based on: Thunderball, the 9th book in Ian Fleming’s James Bond series which caused legal issues for DECADES
Banger of a song, slog of a film
We’re now appropriately in uncharted waters because up to this point, I’d never seen even a sliver of Thunderball. Who or what is Thunderball? And what does Bond want with it/them? Time would not tell, as I found myself gasping for air throughout much of the film’s runtime. But before I get to my problems, here are a few things I liked about the film.
A spirited – if outlandish – opening
Thunderball actually opens quite strong. Bond follows the widow of a deceased SPECTRE agent to a grand house, only to punch her straight in the face. The impact of this would be more alarming had we not seen Connery smack women in the face before but on this occasion, it turns out that the widow is actually the SPECTRE agent in drag and he’s faked his own death, a plot Bond will use in the next film.
After killing the guy for real, Bond uses a jetpack to quickly escape and get to the DB5, after which he spurts water at the assailants chasing him and there’s an elegant transition into the opening title sequence.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Jones
Tom Jones belts out the titular theme song – which slaps, in my opinion – and proof of this can be found in the fact that he famously passed out after the final note during the recording. Like ‘Goldfinger’ the lyrics are character descriptive and they score a pretty fab opening title sequence which features women swimming, spearguns shooting out the credits and watery font animations.
Some praise for Number Two
I had to do some reading to get clear on some things after watching the film and from the synopsis, I now understand that Emilio Largo aka Number Two is hijacking two NATO atomic bombs and threatening to destroy either London or Miami (I’m not sure why he’s giving them options) unless he gets 100 million pounds but not really in pounds, in diamonds (for some reason).
While the specifics of Largo’s motivations make little sense to me, I enjoyed getting to know a secondary tier SPECTRE villain who wears an eyepatch, just as I enjoyed the ruthlessness he displays when cutting some guy’s rebreather underwater after accepting delivery of a briefcase.
Unfortunately, the film quickly loses its way through a chaotic plot wrapped up in nuke threats, diamonds and face replacement surgeries, leaving behind only memories of a decent Bond girl/villain named Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi), and a very hot Felix Leiter (Rik Van Nutter). Here are my main gripes.
Bond is in his dork era
Interestingly, the comparative hotness of Van Nutter’s Leiter has an inverse effect on the coolness of Bond, for this is the film where Connery starts to lose his appeal and transform into the jowly old schlub he’ll continue to play long after he should’ve been forced into Bond retirement.
His suave suits have been traded for onesies with very short shorts (at one point he’s giving Britney in the ‘Oops I Did It Again’ music video) and I couldn’t see the jetpack without seeing George Michael in Arrested Development. The effects don’t help Bond’s fading coolness either, namely the boat chase scene in the end stretch with its hilarious sped up footage.
Are we there yet?
Thunderball really feels its length and every time I checked how long I had left, it was too long. While the underwater sequences are innovative and the choreography would’ve taken a lot of effort, they’re oddly silent and come across more comical than high action.
For the love of Neptune, please stop killing sharks
Finally, my main problem with this film (which I suppose has more to do with 60s filming standards) is the amount of animal cruelty and death it depicts. Multiple sharks are speared and presumably killed onscreen, a woman hitches a ride on a sea turtle (get off, bitch) and later grabs a starfish from the reef and it really soured my experience watching the film.
Thunderball really rubbed me the wrong way, its early offences making it difficult for me to connect with its story. I’ve tried to keep some objectivity alive in scoring it against the ranking categories, but my personal enjoyment score doesn’t lie.
RANKING CATEGORIES (70%)
Bond execution = 7
Villain = 6
Bond girl(s) = 6
Song = 7
Opening titles = 7
Plot/action/gadgets = 4
Franchise identity = 5
PERSONAL ENJOYMENT (30%)
4/10